When I was in seventh grade, I took a single semester of home economics. The nine weeks spent in a classroom doubling as a “house” still plays in my head like a bad movie. My teacher was a statuesque woman with perfectly coiffed hair and flawless makeup. She spoke to us in a calm, whispery tone and wore an apron over her long, modest dresses.
It was as if she were cosplaying a traditional, 1950s housewife—or tradwife (more on that in a minute).Though the class was coed, she extolled the virtues of learning to sew, cook, and clean. She asked us if we knew how to properly make a bed or who in our respective households was responsible for things such as grocery shopping and other chores.
Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about that class, one that I took over 30 years ago, as the term “tradwife” is popping up all over social media. Was that class meant to plant seeds in the brains of the female students that these “skills” could possibly supersede college or following a professional path? Was the teacher implying that perhaps one day the boys would go off to work while the girls took on the dutiful role of “wife?" Were us girls to use our new baking, sewing, cooking, and cleaning skills exclusively to please a future husband?
Alas, here we are in 2024 and tradwife (short for traditional wife) is trending. And it's being compared to being a stay-at-home mom but the two are not synonymous.
Tradwife Meaning
If you’re not familiar, a tradwife refers to a married woman who embraces traditional gender roles, particularly focusing on homemaking and supporting her husband as the primary breadwinner.
“This lifestyle choice refers to mid-20th-century ideals strongly emphasizing domestic duties and family care,” explains Meg Tibayan, parenting expert, home educator, and co-founder of Bright Sprouts. Think 1950s, matriarch June Cleaver onLeave It to Beaver style.
Tradwife influencer @esteecwilliams, posted an explainer video on the movement. She feels tradwives have chosen to “submit to their husbands and serve them.” And note, there is no shortage of #tradwife content on social media. It’s carefully curated peeks into picturesque lives filled with daily, elaborate meals, family time with smiling children—nary a tantrum in sight—immaculately kept homes, and the long, flowy dresses many wear as the unofficial “tradwife uniform.”
Much tradwife content also defends the movement. Take @Ivyoutwest who posted about her confusion over the uproar around tradwives. She doesn't view it as an unprecedented Millennial and Gen Z trend among women who just want to be home, claiming being a tradwife is the “oldest lifestyle in the book” and before women were called “tradwives,” they were called “stay-at-home moms” and before that—“just women.”
The Difference Between a Tradwife and Stay-At-Home Mom
It’s important to clarify what a tradwife is—and what it is not. While tradwives do stay at home, they are not by definition stay-at-home moms.In fact, they are quite the opposite.
According to Tibayan, many mistakenly equate tradwives with stay-at-home moms, assuming that any woman who chooses to focus on home life falls into this category. “Tradwives often promote a return to what they see as more ‘natural’ gender roles, which can sometimes be viewed as regressive or contrary to modern feminist ideals,” Tibyan explains.
And, the concept of being a tradwife has created much controversy because ultimately it refers back to a time when women were not seen as equals, solely existing to support their husbands.
“This perspective is viewed by many as undermining the significant progress women have made toward equality,”Rachel Goldberg, MS, LMFT, explains. “Unlike stay-at-home moms, who may choose to stay home for practical reasons, such as child care or they simply enjoy household management, tradwives adhere strictly to traditional gender roles, driven by a distinct belief in their necessity and virtue.”
Often, it’s important to note, stay-at-home motherhood is temporary due to a lack of child care or rising costs of child care, while the tradwife lifestyle is often viewed as a more permanent commitment to these traditional roles.
Rachel Goldberg, MS, LMFT
This perspective is viewed by many as undermining the significant progress women have made toward equality.
— Rachel Goldberg, MS, LMFT
Why the Tradwife Trend Is Controversial
The idea of a tradwife can become polarizing because many people, regardless of their gender, don’t subscribe to traditional gender roles anymore.
“It's confronting to witness others living a life ruled by those gender roles,” says Nicole Moore, a relationship expert and host of the show Reality of Love.
Much tradwives content portrays life in a bubble where stress and worries have been swept away because they have a man to provide financially. But Moore explains by tradwife content focusing on an "ideal picture," it ignores the harsher realities of what could go wrong if you’re financially dependent on someone.
“None of the trending tradwife videos admit that being a ‘happy’ tradwife depends largely on two things: how much money there is for the household and how good of a person your husband is,” Moore says. “For every seemingly wealthy tradwife on social media who appears to glide effortlessly throughout their child care and housework tasks for the day, there's countless others who struggle financially, feel crushed under the weight of it all, or are unfortunately dealing with less than ideal husbands and they don't have the financial means to get away from them.”
Tibayan feels the viral chatter over tradwives is attributed to its controversial nature. “For some, it represents a return to traditional values and a way of life that they see as fulfilling and meaningful,” she explains. “On the other hand, detractors view it as an attempt to restrict women's rights and limit their potential.”
But Tibayan believes the topic of tradwives should be approached with an open mind and respect for individual choices.
“While the lifestyle may not resonate with everyone, understanding the motivations and values behind it can foster more constructive conversations,” she explains. “Always strive to differentiate between personal preference and societal pressure. Empowerment comes in many forms and is about supporting each woman in her journey, whether she embraces traditional roles or forges new paths.”
Now going back to my junior high home economics class. For our final project, we had to use a basic stitch and sew up the seams of a throw pillow. I got so frustrated, knowing I’d never grow up to own a sewing machine, that I grabbed a stapler and closed up my pillow. My teacher looked at me with disappointment yet seemed amused by the boys who took to scotch tape or even chewed up gum to hold their pillows together.
Perhaps my teacher was a tradwife by definition, but I assume she was getting paid to go outside the home and teach junior high school kids to bake cakes and sew. Even today, there are loopholes—like tradwife @jasminedinis2 on TikTok who sells a set of courses on becoming a tradwife for—wait for it—$5,900!
